I Hate My Life
Monday, August 3, 2009 at 08:44AM .. and is there a meridian for that?
This is a question I was asked by a client recently, one who is dealing with the fullness of life's offerings, and isn't handling it well.
As a practitioner, what does one say to such a statement?
I was in a similar situation to hers about two years ago, and while I tried to share the perspective of life on the other side of it all, we both know her circumstances do have differences, not to mention she's a different person with different resources to draw from (or not).
I did what I could in the way of continuing my shiatsu work on her, listening as I always do, and finding ways to make her laugh, which seems to end her hour with me a little more upbeat than when it started.
It's a dillemma many therapists face... walking the line(s) between what we are and are not trained to do, and whether to share our opinions as a friend might, or stay in our therapist box. Even, and especially, when we've made a freindly connection with our client, and we think we see the obvious thing to say.
I've had times where I've hated my life. Maybe many of us have. I feel somewhat grateful to have gotten to the point that I know my life is what I'm making of it. But this is not so easy to say to someone else, especially when they're in the thick of it. It was not an easy insight to bear, and while it offers ultimate freedom, you can't wish that stuff on someone who isn't ready.
In the meantime, I'll keep working on her "life-hating" meridian...
life, meridians, responsibility in Self-love, Shiatsu 
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Reader Comments (11)
I see this in class sometimes too... some people bring their issues to class and workout really hard. And others struggle to do even the simple stuff. I usually catch up with them after class and just check in - see if they want to unload a bit. Usually, just allowing them that space to vent brings some relief.
It is hard though. I think the more you get to know someone, the easier it is to gauge the sort of help you can offer... I just follow my instinct and sometimes it takes me out of the professional box.
This is fantastic. Gosh, I so know that place. Both on the giving and receiving end of bodywork. Oh my. You can't knock someone over the head with solutions and insights, ever! When I look at my own path I see that I only ever really got something when my inner space was on the brink and then something someone said just tipped me over or clicked in that "a-ha" way... I may think I know why someone's neck is constantly stiff and I may be right but what good does it do to share my analysis? None. And can be kind of mean, actually.
I love that you work on your client's "I hate my life" meridian. Adore that.
*muah!*
Jenn & Heidi: Thanks for chiming in, as I had hoped others in the healing field would.
It's not an uncommon dilemma, for sure... and, yes, on the receiving end I'm not sure what I would respond positively to hearing.
As far as that meridian? I think it's a little of all of them, as I approach her, silently, with "but I love your life, even if you don't right now".
"who is dealing with the fullness of life's offerings"
I pondered that ... creative way of phrasing "life took a dump on you." In the last 5 years - life has PUT ON ME (not offered) way more than any person should ever be asked to handle. All the while, the economy was tanking ... adding yet another layer to the storm. I don't hate my life - but I certainly don't love it -- right now. The only thing I can do is gather the things I do love and cherish them.
{{Wendy}} It occurred to me that you may have thought this post was about you. It wasn't. (If you didn't think that, I apologize)
I know you've had a tough time. As did the subject of my post. And I'm glad you commented, so I can tell you my words do apply to you as well. It's a challenge to navigate how hear your story, give you a place to give voice to it safely, but without getting drawn in to it, so I can do what I was trained to do. And not to be so arrogant as to think I have any idea what it's like, but still have a perspective to operate from.
Make sense?
Gina - I didn't think you were directing it towards me :) Also - I was just pointing out that it was perhaps not the best way to phrase it for some ...
Just an observation - no harm, no foul. I very much enjoy your blog, Gina :)
Wendy: Thank you. And I appreciate you pointing that out. Though I will add that life is what it is. Whether we think it's blessed us or dumped on us...whether it happens to us, or we invite it in, or that there's a greater meaning behind it all... those are just our interpretations of the events we've been a part of, and there's a lot more that influences what we make of it than we're consciously aware of.
And on that note, perhaps it was a miswording to suggest that life is capable of offering anything either. My own opinion is that our lives are more about the stories we tell of it.. to ourselves, to others.. and even if we don't control the circumstances, we do control the meaning of it all.
I appreciate you coming by, Wendy, and sharing your thoughts. :)
I actually liked the phrase that you used and, as you know, I'm going through my own version of the "fullness of life's offerings". I like it because it highlights the fact that when we are going through a rough patch, we don't need to hang on to the victim role. That doesn't mean we can't feel sorry for ourselves at times. But we all need to understand the yin/yang of life - you can't really appreciate the good unless you experience the bad.
I also like how Wendy approaches it - gather the things she loves and cherish them.
Jessica: Thank you. Nicely put.
I'm glad this spurned such a response! LOL I think it's a matter of what each person has been through. Unfortunately though - in two of my 'life's offerings' - I was -in fact- a victim: of assault and robbery. Two events ... both unfortunately traumatic in their own ways. I gather my relationships closest - especially my family and friends that have been there for me during it all. And knowing people who have been forced into homelessness, I'm thankful for shelter and food and a bathroom and running water. These are things that we all take for granted.
As for controlling the meaning ... there is no meaning to violence or theft; and, I would be a fool to try and assign meaning to them. However, I do struggle with the idea of it happening to me after I've already had enough to deal with. Is there a meridian for that? :)
Wendy.. yes, in a way there is a meridian for that. It has to do with stopping the nervous system from being in perpetual trauma mode.
And I want to clarify... I wasn't saying that you should try to find meaning in what happened, though, actually you already are. You have an underlying belief and a deeper story about these events... and you point to it with your statements about 'life dumping on you'. It may seem obvious and an inarguable universal truth that you are a victim, but there's always a different story to tell.
I've been avoiding the temptation to share all the things that life 'dumped' on me, which I refrained from doing so as not to end up sounding like I'm in some kind of competition with you. But the real point is that I let these things define me for most of my life, which kept me getting me more of the same. But I was very attached to that story, and had a lot invested in keeping it going, until I realized how unhappy it was making me and everyone around me. I'm not saying it's easy...
I'll leave you with one question I heard from a very wise person, and which I ask myself all the time, which is "Who would you be without that story?"
And if you want to read more, pick up a copy of Byron Katie's "Loving What Is".