In response to a weird dream I had last night involving Eric Bogosian (please don't ask), which I believe to be subconscious stirrings brought about by some deep relationship work I've been doing, I've been pondering the meaning of 'sexy' all day.
Sexy, not as in the allure of long legs, voluptuous cleavage and flowing hair.. none of which I have ... but as in that juicy quality of life. Sexuality and passion... the realm of the root chakra.. the wellspring of all creativity, connection to the earth, what it means to be a spiritual being in a physical body... fully alive and fully in relationship with the world and all its inhabitants.
This dream, well, I won't go into the gory details, but it was an invitation to explore that part of myself. A part, I had just been discovering, I have shied away from...mostly due to parental legacy. (Yes, I forgive them.) The vision I was given in my dream was of fear. And guilt. And exhilaration. But also permission to go there. Now.
And then I woke up. Eric was gone and I was left with a strong desire to get on the treadmill.
I don't expect to grow longer legs, or fantastic breasts, or suddenly appear twenty years younger. So, does that mean that I can't embrace my sexuality?
I think not. So, back to my pondering about what being sexy means to me. And a list thus far:
Sexy is ... self-respect
Sexy is ... feeling comfortable, no, simply radiant and divine, in my own skin
Sexy is ... confidence as in when coming from the heart
Sexy is ... honesty
Sexy is ... gracefulness
Sexy is ... healthy
Sexy is ... self-care
Sexy is ... losing myself in the moment
Sexy is ... taking responsibility
Sexy is ... enveloping another with warmth
Sexy is ... attentiveness to glimpses of gorgeousness
Sexy is ... saying yes
Sexy is ... saying no
Sexy is ... grooving to my own rhythm
Sexy is ... meeting an Other, particularly a male other, right where they are, without any diminishment of my own power or of theirs
Sexy is ... staying in that moment of intense intimacy without flinching or backing down
Sexy is ... fearlessness. Fearlessness is sexy
Sexy is ... letting love decide
What's your definition?