i'm too sexy for this post

In response to a weird dream I had last night involving Eric Bogosian (please don't ask), which I believe to be subconscious stirrings brought about by some deep relationship work I've been doing, I've been pondering the meaning of 'sexy' all day.

Sexy, not as in the allure of long legs, voluptuous cleavage and flowing hair.. none of which I have ... but as in that juicy quality of life. Sexuality and passion... the realm of the root chakra.. the wellspring of all creativity, connection to the earth, what it means to be a spiritual being in a physical body... fully alive and fully in relationship with the world and all its inhabitants.

This dream, well, I won't go into the gory details, but it was an invitation to explore that part of myself. A part, I had just been discovering, I have shied away from...mostly due to parental legacy. (Yes, I forgive them.) The vision I was given in my dream was of fear. And guilt. And exhilaration. But also permission to go there. Now.

And then I woke up. Eric was gone and I was left with a strong desire to get on the treadmill.

I don't expect to grow longer legs, or fantastic breasts, or suddenly appear twenty years younger. So, does that mean that I can't embrace my sexuality?

I think not. So, back to my pondering about what being sexy means to me. And a list thus far:

Sexy is ... self-respect

Sexy is ... feeling comfortable, no, simply radiant and divine, in my own skin

Sexy is ... confidence as in when coming from the heart

Sexy is ... honesty

Sexy is ... gracefulness

Sexy is ... healthy

Sexy is ... self-care

Sexy is ... losing myself in the moment

Sexy is ... taking responsibility

Sexy is ... enveloping another with warmth

Sexy is ... attentiveness to glimpses of gorgeousness

Sexy is ... saying yes

Sexy is ... saying no

Sexy is ... grooving to my own rhythm

Sexy is ... meeting an Other, particularly a male other, right where they are, without any diminishment of my own power or of theirs

Sexy is ... staying in that moment of intense intimacy without flinching or backing down

Sexy is ... fearlessness. Fearlessness is sexy

Sexy is ... letting love decide

What's your definition?

to-do list of the soul

After, I think, the third suggestion this week, actually within two days, to write a list of stuff I want to do in this life, all from different places, and with slightly different intentions, I have to say, OKAY! POINT TAKEN!!!

The most inspiring message came from Goddess Leonie, and here is her glorious list, complete with items already checked off.

And so, here is mine... maybe not as adventurous, but hey, I'm a mild-mannered, practical, homebody Virgo, so give me a break. :)

• Pay off all my debt
• Make my shiatsu practice and writing a viable source of income, at least for myself, if not for the rest of my family
• Get my mom to live up here with us
• See the Grand Canyon
• Find and visit where my ancestors are buried in England
• Dye my hair some wacky un-40-something color
• Write and publish my mom/daughter book
• Learn to play the bass guitar
• Sing in front of an audience
• Build the backyard paradise of my dreams
• Get another tattoo (either an armband with sons' names entwined with roses, or a pink lotus over my heart chakra. Or both.)
• Put together some kind of kick-ass workshop and accompanying ecourse based on the stuff I do
• See Italy
• And on that note, find out where my mysterious Sicilian ancestors came from
• Order one of those huge $75 sushi-laden boats from a favorite Japanese restaurant
• Get birthday cards out to every one of my friends and family within a year
• Sleep on the beach
• Guest post on Havi Brooks' Shiva Nata site (ooo! working on that as we speak!)
• Learn Aikido
• Offer free shiatsu at a women's shelter
• Tell each of my sons my life story
• Actually make it through the entire "Artist's Way" book
• Get all of our family photos organized in some kind of presentable manner
• Watch 'Pulp Fiction'. Don't know why, just never have and seems like I should
• Drive cross-country again, preferably with one or more kids
• Take a vacation by myself, somewhere I've never been
• Be present and helpful in someone's birth
• Hold a neighborhood cooperative dinner
• Try surfing (once) with my husband
• Do something that truly terrifies me (surfing may very well be that thing..)
• Stand up and speak at Friends Meeting (that does truly terrify me)
• Sew my own zabuton
• Record some videos for my shiatsu website
• Finish my "Way of Story" course
• Make amends in some way with everyone that I've done wrong
• See a bear (from a safe distance)
• Visit Alaska
• Hike at least a piece of the Appalachian Trail
• Honor, inasmuch as I can do and remember, all agreements that I've made with people in this lifetime (and those I've made with myself)
• Finish my list of Happiness Commandments
  
• To be continued...